It's no secret if you have been doing life with me, the last month or so has been very weighty and in some ways left me feeling a bit defeated.
A week ago, I was just getting on the elliptical machine to do some cardio/relieve major stress. I'll be honest, I was fighting tears and thought this public place would be the best place to make me contain myself. Our apartment work out room looks straight over the pool and onto the hills of Nashville, which this Texas girl never takes for granted. It's just a lovely view! However, the sunlight was beaming right off the water and straight in my eyes, so I put on Phil Wickham, started moving my legs and closed my eyes.
The song that began to play was Tears of Joy off of his new album The Ascension. Now I'm going to pause and do a sales pitch. Get this album! It has encouraged my spirit immensely. So do it.now.
"Let my last breath here
Be my first with You
Where You rob my fear
And You make me new
So whatever comes
Whatever I go through
Let my last breath here
Be my first with You"
I honestly didn't focus on the rest of the song, don't even remember hearing it. Because at that moment, in all of my doubt, concern, stress, feelings of defeat- this is what my ears needed, it's what my heart ached for. I needed a reminder that He would rob my fears and all of the other emotion that made me heavy; ultimately He could and would fulfill me. Not a career, not being financially stable, not being able to be with sick family members, not the feeling of success or the lack of feeling like I've failed. Just Him. In all His goodness and the love I know God has for me. That was it.
It just captivated me. Enough so, that true to Brittany-fashion, I began to tear up as I'm trying to follow the instructions this elliptical machine is throwing at me. Instantly I felt this overwhelming joy. Also I kept checking to make sure no one was going to walk in and think I couldn't handle this workout, which might not be far form truth. :) But in that moment, I felt so much joy as I closed my eyes and had this sweet moment of relief from God.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Rejection.
As many know Dallas has been snowed (well iced) in, going on 4 days tomorrow. Normally I would be more than thrilled to have a day off, because as you know, it doesn't happen often. However I'm going a bit crazy inside. My room mate and I even walked to Walgreens yesterday (after a failed attempt to drive).
With all this time I have watched some TV, played a lot of Super Mario World, completed homework assignments (early!), read (sadly... not much), enjoyed Brooke Fraser's new album and been able to cook and eat actual meals! I know for those of you who are busy back at school and work... this sounds like the dream.
Along with all the excitement listed above, I have spent a bit of time thinking and listening to the thoughts going through my mind. I am not someone who normally takes "me" time, something about the quiet is a bit unsettling for me. Which is probably why I am listening to music as I write this!
The Past couple of weeks.
I have spent a pretty good amount of time thinking about all the things I'm afraid of and how that keeps me from going for and doing the things I am most passionate about. When I say afraid of... I don't mean things like Skydiving (which sounds amazing, yet, terrifying!) or cockroaches (although this tops the list). But the fear of being rejected or wrong. Yes, when it comes down to it... these are big concerns of mine. And even more so... they are a part of life. All three of them have and will continue to happen, but are things that really keep me from being passionate and trying the many things in life I want to!
The Present week.
So today I have thought about this a lot. Because I realize it's not just these things I fear that keep me from accomplishing so much, they also keep me from saying what I think and believe (which, let's face it... probably a good thing sometimes!) This fear of rejection is the huge one here. It really causes me to be so surface level sometimes. In fact as I write this I think... what if someone thinks this is stupid? But as it turns out... someone probably does. That's alright. If you don't like it... get yourself a blog! ;)
Okay so now to what triggered these thoughts today. I am reading Radical by David Platt. Yep... I have started it like 3 times and only made it to chapter 4. So chapter 4... that's where I am. Towards the middle to end of the chapter he is talking about being "called" to share the Gospel and what that means. Does it mean being called to go overseas or stay. (You should probably read it for yourself because this isn't really the point). Anyways... he shares these stories of some people he knows in his church. One about a young grad student, one about a middle-aged businessman and one about a retired couple. Each one of them were at a point where they needed to make decisions and figure out what they would do next. All three chose more than the "American Dream." They chose to use their resources and what God blessed them with to share the Gospel with the Nations.
I just think... man what a life. How is it they are brave enough to do that? Not necessarily share the Gospel, although sometimes it is completely intimidating. But to chose a path that was out of the ordinary or to say the least "RADICAL!" Shouldn't they, like me, have the fear in them that keeps them from accomplishing great things? I'd like to think so... mainly so I'm not alone in this (pretty sure I'm not) But It's funny because when I moved to Nashville in 06 [alone], I was fearless. Well at least after I almost threw up because I had just dropped out of college, I felt fearless. I mean it was a complete random, radical decision that rocked my world and changed my life. So why is it I don't make the same decisions now? I'd like to think it's lack of opportunity, but I'm pretty sure many times it's just the fear of rejection or being wrong.
The future months.
I'm pretty sure I have talked about it enough for you to know that I graduate in MAY! If not... I do! :) So as I think about this fear of rejection or being wrong, I think about how many things it could keep me from doing when I get into a "real life job." My degree is in Family Studies which means I'll be working with... FAMILIES! But along with that is a huge weight of responsibility. I have thought often how heavy it is. This is often my thought process: " I can't wait to be in the field, working with families. Mostly adults, I hope." and then it turns to " But what if I do something wrong or don't say the right thing or mess up." Now don't get me wrong... I realize this is something that people think about often and that happens often. Once again, it has and WILL happen.
I know this all seems pretty random and all over the place. Let's face it... it is how my brain works. I mean...I have gone from being snowed in to talking about the fears I have to David Platt's book and ending with graduating. But I promise in all these thoughts (other than being snowed in... that was just an update!) lies the fear I have of rejection.
So I guess I'm supposed to end with some amazing way I have learned to conquer this. Well sorry to say I haven't and probably will not.
In Radical (p. 82-83), Platt writes "As we explore what it means to be radically abandoned to Christ, I invite you simply to let your heart be gripped, maybe for the first time, by the biblical prospect that God has designed a radically global purpose for your life"
For now it isn't the fear of rejection which weighs so heavily on my heart sometimes, that is to be achieved; but the process of radical abandonment to Christ!
With all this time I have watched some TV, played a lot of Super Mario World, completed homework assignments (early!), read (sadly... not much), enjoyed Brooke Fraser's new album and been able to cook and eat actual meals! I know for those of you who are busy back at school and work... this sounds like the dream.
Along with all the excitement listed above, I have spent a bit of time thinking and listening to the thoughts going through my mind. I am not someone who normally takes "me" time, something about the quiet is a bit unsettling for me. Which is probably why I am listening to music as I write this!
The Past couple of weeks.
I have spent a pretty good amount of time thinking about all the things I'm afraid of and how that keeps me from going for and doing the things I am most passionate about. When I say afraid of... I don't mean things like Skydiving (which sounds amazing, yet, terrifying!) or cockroaches (although this tops the list). But the fear of being rejected or wrong. Yes, when it comes down to it... these are big concerns of mine. And even more so... they are a part of life. All three of them have and will continue to happen, but are things that really keep me from being passionate and trying the many things in life I want to!
The Present week.
So today I have thought about this a lot. Because I realize it's not just these things I fear that keep me from accomplishing so much, they also keep me from saying what I think and believe (which, let's face it... probably a good thing sometimes!) This fear of rejection is the huge one here. It really causes me to be so surface level sometimes. In fact as I write this I think... what if someone thinks this is stupid? But as it turns out... someone probably does. That's alright. If you don't like it... get yourself a blog! ;)
Okay so now to what triggered these thoughts today. I am reading Radical by David Platt. Yep... I have started it like 3 times and only made it to chapter 4. So chapter 4... that's where I am. Towards the middle to end of the chapter he is talking about being "called" to share the Gospel and what that means. Does it mean being called to go overseas or stay. (You should probably read it for yourself because this isn't really the point). Anyways... he shares these stories of some people he knows in his church. One about a young grad student, one about a middle-aged businessman and one about a retired couple. Each one of them were at a point where they needed to make decisions and figure out what they would do next. All three chose more than the "American Dream." They chose to use their resources and what God blessed them with to share the Gospel with the Nations.
I just think... man what a life. How is it they are brave enough to do that? Not necessarily share the Gospel, although sometimes it is completely intimidating. But to chose a path that was out of the ordinary or to say the least "RADICAL!" Shouldn't they, like me, have the fear in them that keeps them from accomplishing great things? I'd like to think so... mainly so I'm not alone in this (pretty sure I'm not) But It's funny because when I moved to Nashville in 06 [alone], I was fearless. Well at least after I almost threw up because I had just dropped out of college, I felt fearless. I mean it was a complete random, radical decision that rocked my world and changed my life. So why is it I don't make the same decisions now? I'd like to think it's lack of opportunity, but I'm pretty sure many times it's just the fear of rejection or being wrong.
The future months.
I'm pretty sure I have talked about it enough for you to know that I graduate in MAY! If not... I do! :) So as I think about this fear of rejection or being wrong, I think about how many things it could keep me from doing when I get into a "real life job." My degree is in Family Studies which means I'll be working with... FAMILIES! But along with that is a huge weight of responsibility. I have thought often how heavy it is. This is often my thought process: " I can't wait to be in the field, working with families. Mostly adults, I hope." and then it turns to " But what if I do something wrong or don't say the right thing or mess up." Now don't get me wrong... I realize this is something that people think about often and that happens often. Once again, it has and WILL happen.
I know this all seems pretty random and all over the place. Let's face it... it is how my brain works. I mean...I have gone from being snowed in to talking about the fears I have to David Platt's book and ending with graduating. But I promise in all these thoughts (other than being snowed in... that was just an update!) lies the fear I have of rejection.
So I guess I'm supposed to end with some amazing way I have learned to conquer this. Well sorry to say I haven't and probably will not.
In Radical (p. 82-83), Platt writes "As we explore what it means to be radically abandoned to Christ, I invite you simply to let your heart be gripped, maybe for the first time, by the biblical prospect that God has designed a radically global purpose for your life"
For now it isn't the fear of rejection which weighs so heavily on my heart sometimes, that is to be achieved; but the process of radical abandonment to Christ!
Saturday, March 27, 2010
one day...
I will be able to actually write something on here. But for now every time I go to write on it I realize HOW tired I am and decide to get to sleep.
The trend continues tonight
The trend continues tonight
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
What's coming up.
Looking forward to:
DISNEY ON ICE! (one week)
Maybe Shreveport
Trip to LA
and duh...
CAMP!
DISNEY ON ICE! (one week)
Maybe Shreveport
Trip to LA
and duh...
CAMP!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
a little of this... a little of that...
I am volunteering at a children's home for a class and today was my first day. Due to all the confidentiality commitments I have to keep, I can't really share details. But I will say these children are precious! God has really created beautiful beings with all different, yet wonderful personalities. I think I am going to ask if I can mentor one of the 8th grade girls. She is just really on my heart!
So that started off my day, and next came a midterm. Lucky me right? It was pretty easy... very easy compared to the one I bombed on Wednesday! I was nervous because I had to write a persuasive essay about either abortion, euthanasia, or quotas. I am just not a persuasive person, I don't like to argue my points especially in writing. I enjoy discussing them but persuasion is so intimidating to me! I feel like growing up I didn't have one bit of an issue with it though! What is happening to me!?!?
Well... I can say officially I am sooo excited about camp this summer! Not that I haven't been but I have just not had time to realize how excited I am. Which brings me to this...
This year has been the fastest year of my life! Well... I realize every year is the exact same amount [other then leap year] of time in it. But man this year has come and gone SO fast!
Today I have been looking at pictures of the team that just returned from South Africa! It was FOUR years ago that I went! FOUR YEARS! That's a long time. I am praying for the day the Lord sends me back and anxiously yet patiently awaiting it! ( Makes a lot of sense right...) Let me explain. I say anxiously because my heart desires to spend time there again, learn more of the people and the culture and be a part of the work that is going on there! Yet, I know right now is not the season for that. My goal is the first semester Rolling Hills goes that I am NOT in school, to go! But I know the Lord will be faithful to direct those steps. Until then... pray pray pray for the country and the beautiful people! That is what I am called to do! :)
Well... that's it.
So that started off my day, and next came a midterm. Lucky me right? It was pretty easy... very easy compared to the one I bombed on Wednesday! I was nervous because I had to write a persuasive essay about either abortion, euthanasia, or quotas. I am just not a persuasive person, I don't like to argue my points especially in writing. I enjoy discussing them but persuasion is so intimidating to me! I feel like growing up I didn't have one bit of an issue with it though! What is happening to me!?!?
Well... I can say officially I am sooo excited about camp this summer! Not that I haven't been but I have just not had time to realize how excited I am. Which brings me to this...
This year has been the fastest year of my life! Well... I realize every year is the exact same amount [other then leap year] of time in it. But man this year has come and gone SO fast!
Today I have been looking at pictures of the team that just returned from South Africa! It was FOUR years ago that I went! FOUR YEARS! That's a long time. I am praying for the day the Lord sends me back and anxiously yet patiently awaiting it! ( Makes a lot of sense right...) Let me explain. I say anxiously because my heart desires to spend time there again, learn more of the people and the culture and be a part of the work that is going on there! Yet, I know right now is not the season for that. My goal is the first semester Rolling Hills goes that I am NOT in school, to go! But I know the Lord will be faithful to direct those steps. Until then... pray pray pray for the country and the beautiful people! That is what I am called to do! :)
Well... that's it.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
school, work, packing....SLACKING!
Well... it has officially been the busiest week of the semester!
I feel like this week has actually been going on FOREVER. I have worked 5 days, gone to school 3, babysat 1, started and finished a paper, created a community resource directory, taken multiple quizzes and now I have until Monday to prepare TWO group project to be presented in class. Just a busy, long week! Plus I will be moving in the morning. And [BTW] I refuse to move again the rest of my entire life!
So I think to myself 'SELF, why are you wasting time blogging instead of homework?' Well honestly I couldn't look at home work again if I wanted to... which I don't! And sometimes blogging is really just for me. Talking, ranting, venting...
Next week I begin volunteering at the Children's home and continue observing Blane for class. I am so greatly excited about both of these beginning. Yes it adds a ton of hours in my week but man a Children's Home. I am so excited and feel greatly blessed the Lord has just set that all up for me. I can't wait to meet these children and teenagers!
my schedule during the week:
Monday/Wednesday: class 8-3/Work 4-10
Tuesday/Thursday: work 8-4/ observing 4-6/ children's home 6-8:30(ish)
Friday:class 2-3/work 4-12
(Jamey... this is why I'm not here to talk to you!)
Thankfully each day the Lord gives me a good nights rest, physically and spiritually. He is so stinkin' faithful to meet my every need. It's kinda of mind blowing really. He has allowed my mind to be so very present where my life is now, yet so much to look forward to the future happenings. Just good good good.
It is almost that time. CAMP! ah... so soon. I feel like it is sneaking up so quickly! Here's some favorites from camp
I feel like this week has actually been going on FOREVER. I have worked 5 days, gone to school 3, babysat 1, started and finished a paper, created a community resource directory, taken multiple quizzes and now I have until Monday to prepare TWO group project to be presented in class. Just a busy, long week! Plus I will be moving in the morning. And [BTW] I refuse to move again the rest of my entire life!
So I think to myself 'SELF, why are you wasting time blogging instead of homework?' Well honestly I couldn't look at home work again if I wanted to... which I don't! And sometimes blogging is really just for me. Talking, ranting, venting...
Next week I begin volunteering at the Children's home and continue observing Blane for class. I am so greatly excited about both of these beginning. Yes it adds a ton of hours in my week but man a Children's Home. I am so excited and feel greatly blessed the Lord has just set that all up for me. I can't wait to meet these children and teenagers!
my schedule during the week:
Monday/Wednesday: class 8-3/Work 4-10
Tuesday/Thursday: work 8-4/ observing 4-6/ children's home 6-8:30(ish)
Friday:class 2-3/work 4-12
(Jamey... this is why I'm not here to talk to you!)
Thankfully each day the Lord gives me a good nights rest, physically and spiritually. He is so stinkin' faithful to meet my every need. It's kinda of mind blowing really. He has allowed my mind to be so very present where my life is now, yet so much to look forward to the future happenings. Just good good good.
It is almost that time. CAMP! ah... so soon. I feel like it is sneaking up so quickly! Here's some favorites from camp
Monday, February 15, 2010
Planes, Trains and Automobiles (minus the Trains)
Okay so last weekend I was lucky enough to get the chance to visit Nashville and Louisville! These are two cities that have great importance to me: Nashville was the beginning of so many things for me! Louisville hold many people that I dearly love!
I flew into Nashville at 1pm on Friday and hung out with the Dentons (who are like family to me!) At 5pm I was packed and ready [sort of] to begin a DNOW with the students I cherish so greatly! It had been 6 months since my last visit and it was long over due. So I stayed at the high school girls house, which was wonderful as always, and up early in the AM to do Saturday Serve. Well lucky for me, it was that time for the Father Son Bowl. I love this ministry! It was started just four years ago and this year there were 395 families signed up to play. I'm pretty sure despite the sleeting and snow falling fast freezing our whole bodies, most people still showed. HOW GREAT!!!
So... the DNOW ended at 10pm on Saturday, Bing picked me up, we went to chili's and I got back around 11:30. Church came soon but not soon enough! I had yet to see the Warehouse. This is the new building for Rolling Hills. It is lovely. What a blessing from God. Even with the simplicity of church in a WAREHOUSE, it is beautiful! The sad part of this short visit is it is much like SPEED DATING. I felt like I could have talked with people from RHCC for hours and yet I had a few minutes before services. It was wonderful to see familiar faces and catch up quickly, but I could definitely use a two week visit.
After church Lunch with the Dentons and Allen's. Lillie Cate and Nora Blake are beautiful and so smart already. Good luck Nic and Susan! ;) Lillie Cate can WRITE her NAME! She is THREE! Brilliant... and she loves me so that is a smart move too! :)
2:30pm: Seraph text me and tells to let me know that she and Zack are in the driveway waiting for me! YAY! Of course, because I'm late EVERYWHERE, I'm not there yet!
[Lets pause this and talk about great friends! They drove three hours each way to pick me up and take me back to Louisville!!!! WHATTTTTT!!!!]
So we get back just in time for a super bowl party and Under cove Boss. After that... thirty minutes in the drive way deciding what is next. Finally, the girls make the call... Steak N Shake. There is nothing else opened. We wrote poems to each other, made Napkin Brittany (even though she wasn't needed because this time I was ACTUALLY there) and talked life <---[i THINK]! We left around 3:30AM and went for a girl sleep over. Monday help much fun too, the coming of a snow storm, observing Mr. Doyle and the trip returning back to Texas. What a sweet 23 hours I had with my beautiful friends. Erin.Girl even hugged me... TWICE! :)
So to answer the your questions: Yes it was way to short, Yes I was exhausted come Monday, Yes I'm still catching up on my missed sleep. And therefore... done blogging!
Happy sleeps.
p.s. I'm attempting a new schedule called getting up at 6AM! Wish me luck! :)
I flew into Nashville at 1pm on Friday and hung out with the Dentons (who are like family to me!) At 5pm I was packed and ready [sort of] to begin a DNOW with the students I cherish so greatly! It had been 6 months since my last visit and it was long over due. So I stayed at the high school girls house, which was wonderful as always, and up early in the AM to do Saturday Serve. Well lucky for me, it was that time for the Father Son Bowl. I love this ministry! It was started just four years ago and this year there were 395 families signed up to play. I'm pretty sure despite the sleeting and snow falling fast freezing our whole bodies, most people still showed. HOW GREAT!!!
So... the DNOW ended at 10pm on Saturday, Bing picked me up, we went to chili's and I got back around 11:30. Church came soon but not soon enough! I had yet to see the Warehouse. This is the new building for Rolling Hills. It is lovely. What a blessing from God. Even with the simplicity of church in a WAREHOUSE, it is beautiful! The sad part of this short visit is it is much like SPEED DATING. I felt like I could have talked with people from RHCC for hours and yet I had a few minutes before services. It was wonderful to see familiar faces and catch up quickly, but I could definitely use a two week visit.
After church Lunch with the Dentons and Allen's. Lillie Cate and Nora Blake are beautiful and so smart already. Good luck Nic and Susan! ;) Lillie Cate can WRITE her NAME! She is THREE! Brilliant... and she loves me so that is a smart move too! :)
2:30pm: Seraph text me and tells to let me know that she and Zack are in the driveway waiting for me! YAY! Of course, because I'm late EVERYWHERE, I'm not there yet!
[Lets pause this and talk about great friends! They drove three hours each way to pick me up and take me back to Louisville!!!! WHATTTTTT!!!!]
So we get back just in time for a super bowl party and Under cove Boss. After that... thirty minutes in the drive way deciding what is next. Finally, the girls make the call... Steak N Shake. There is nothing else opened. We wrote poems to each other, made Napkin Brittany (even though she wasn't needed because this time I was ACTUALLY there) and talked life <---[i THINK]! We left around 3:30AM and went for a girl sleep over. Monday help much fun too, the coming of a snow storm, observing Mr. Doyle and the trip returning back to Texas. What a sweet 23 hours I had with my beautiful friends. Erin.Girl even hugged me... TWICE! :)
So to answer the your questions: Yes it was way to short, Yes I was exhausted come Monday, Yes I'm still catching up on my missed sleep. And therefore... done blogging!
Happy sleeps.
p.s. I'm attempting a new schedule called getting up at 6AM! Wish me luck! :)
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