Rejection.

As many know Dallas has been snowed (well iced) in, going on 4 days tomorrow. Normally I would be more than thrilled to have a day off, because as you know, it doesn't happen often. However I'm going a bit crazy inside. My room mate and I even walked to Walgreens yesterday (after a failed attempt to drive).

With all this time I have watched some TV, played a lot of Super Mario World, completed homework assignments (early!), read (sadly... not much), enjoyed Brooke Fraser's new album and been able to cook and eat actual meals! I know for those of you who are busy back at school and work... this sounds like the dream.

Along with all the excitement listed above, I have spent a bit of time thinking and listening to the thoughts going through my mind. I am not someone who normally takes "me" time, something about the quiet is a bit unsettling for me. Which is probably why I am listening to music as I write this!

The Past couple of weeks.

I have spent a pretty good amount of time thinking about all the things I'm afraid of and how that keeps me from going for and doing the things I am most passionate about. When I say afraid of... I don't mean things like Skydiving (which sounds amazing, yet, terrifying!) or cockroaches (although this tops the list). But the fear of being rejected or wrong. Yes, when it comes down to it... these are big concerns of mine. And even more so... they are a part of life. All three of them have and will continue to happen, but are things that really keep me from being passionate and trying the many things in life I want to!

The Present week.

So today I have thought about this a lot. Because I realize it's not just these things I fear that keep me from accomplishing so much, they also keep me from saying what I think and believe (which, let's face it... probably a good thing sometimes!) This fear of rejection is the huge one here. It really causes me to be so surface level sometimes. In fact as I write this I think... what if someone thinks this is stupid? But as it turns out... someone probably does. That's alright. If you don't like it... get yourself a blog! ;)

Okay so now to what triggered these thoughts today. I am reading Radical by David Platt. Yep... I have started it like 3 times and only made it to chapter 4. So chapter 4... that's where I am. Towards the middle to end of the chapter he is talking about being "called" to share the Gospel and what that means. Does it mean being called to go overseas or stay. (You should probably read it for yourself because this isn't really the point). Anyways... he shares these stories of some people he knows in his church. One about a young grad student, one about a middle-aged businessman and one about a retired couple. Each one of them were at a point where they needed to make decisions and figure out what they would do next. All three chose more than the "American Dream." They chose to use their resources and what God blessed them with to share the Gospel with the Nations.

I just think... man what a life. How is it they are brave enough to do that? Not necessarily share the Gospel, although sometimes it is completely intimidating. But to chose a path that was out of the ordinary or to say the least "RADICAL!" Shouldn't they, like me, have the fear in them that keeps them from accomplishing great things? I'd like to think so... mainly so I'm not alone in this (pretty sure I'm not) But It's funny because when I moved to Nashville in 06 [alone], I was fearless. Well at least after I almost threw up because I had just dropped out of college, I felt fearless. I mean it was a complete random, radical decision that rocked my world and changed my life. So why is it I don't make the same decisions now? I'd like to think it's lack of opportunity, but I'm pretty sure many times it's just the fear of rejection or being wrong.

The future months.

I'm pretty sure I have talked about it enough for you to know that I graduate in MAY! If not... I do! :) So as I think about this fear of rejection or being wrong, I think about how many things it could keep me from doing when I get into a "real life job." My degree is in Family Studies which means I'll be working with... FAMILIES! But along with that is a huge weight of responsibility. I have thought often how heavy it is. This is often my thought process: " I can't wait to be in the field, working with families. Mostly adults, I hope." and then it turns to " But what if I do something wrong or don't say the right thing or mess up." Now don't get me wrong... I realize this is something that people think about often and that happens often. Once again, it has and WILL happen.

I know this all seems pretty random and all over the place. Let's face it... it is how my brain works. I mean...I have gone from being snowed in to talking about the fears I have to David Platt's book and ending with graduating. But I promise in all these thoughts (other than being snowed in... that was just an update!) lies the fear I have of rejection.

So I guess I'm supposed to end with some amazing way I have learned to conquer this. Well sorry to say I haven't and probably will not.

In Radical (p. 82-83), Platt writes "As we explore what it means to be radically abandoned to Christ, I invite you simply to let your heart be gripped, maybe for the first time, by the biblical prospect that God has designed a radically global purpose for your life"

For now it isn't the fear of rejection which weighs so heavily on my heart sometimes, that is to be achieved; but the process of radical abandonment to Christ!